Saturday, October 24, 2009

Where to begin

For starters I like blue! I guess along the way if you have any questions please feel free to ask.

I haven't been sleeping well. About 3-4 weeks ago my daughter who was only 3 months at the time, got sick. She was running a fever of over 104. Meds were working to break the fever, administering them constantly of course. The next day I had to take her to the doctors, they suspects ear infection, but actually she did not have one. Blood work a week later confirmed she was fighting something, but after her visit to the doctors she stopped the fever and hasn't had one since. Well anyhow, that night with the fever, we were both up for about 36 straight hours. She obviously not feeling well couldn't even sleep and me, her adoring mother, cradle held her the entire time. Since then we have been struggling to get back on schedule. There will be a few days in a row where we are on schedule and then for no reason at all just be up till 3 or 4 am again.

This sucks because then we sleep a long nap during the day thus re-creating the whole cycle. And on some days I avoid the nap for both of us and then it seems she should fall to sleep at a reasonable time, but actually she fights it and continues to stay up.

So for the past 3-4 weeks, I am seriously back to the lack of sleep to the first days of a newborn.

So with all this said, I have been dizzy and feeling awful pressure in my head and fighting headaches and this caused me to stop nursing which really impacted my psyche because I was determined to last 6 months and not just 4. I am bummed to say the least and I am catching myself talk like I just had a stroke. I seem to be all mixed up. I try to do everything like normal in terms of keeping my house up and helping the boys with tasks and preparing dinners etc...

Above all of this, I find out 2 weeks ago this coming Monday that my mom's cancer is now terminal and she has been moved into a hospice. I truly haven't even begun to deal with all of that within itself, because from her admission I have been propelled into running around for her and whatnot. I have had to run to her home and get things, do all her laundry, bring these things to her, visit with her, and then starting tomorrow I need to clear out her whole apartment.

This is all so frustrating! She wants to keep everything - which I don't blame her - imagine you are only 54 and in hospice and have to give up everything familiar to you while you wait to die. They won't let her bring much to her room. Kinda crappy if you ask me.

Neighbors asking for her stuff; Plus I have tons of stuff that she just accumulated over the years that I get to weed out and figure out what to do with it all. Knowing it's all sentimental to her.

well looks like Bailey finally fell asleep - so I guess this finishing my thoughts right now.


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